Dear Tavish,
today is December 10th. It's the day you were born. You didn't make it easy on me, that's for sure. You waited just long enough for me to get over a cold I got right after Thanksgiving, then you decided to make your appearance. Early in the morning of the December 9th, I felt my water break, but it wasn't the huge gush you always see on movies. I wasn't sure, so we went in to the hospital, and sure enough, you had decided it was time to meet the world. Labor was very slow for me at first. I was able to easily sleep through contractions, so I did, for about an hour or so. Then the doctor came in to see me. She was very straightforward, with an attitude of "this is what will happen." I was kind of intimidated at first, and just nodded my head and said ok.
After she left, however, I had a chance to talk with my doula, Sarah, and my photographer, Megan (who is also a doula). Both of them told me what they knew, and that I didn't have to go along with everything the doctor said if I didn't want to. We decided to take a walk in order to encourage you to come out a little faster. You certainly were taking your time though. We also tried a bunch of other things, like different positions, and even dancing (let me tell you, mom was't too comfortable with that one. I don't dance in front of other people!).
When the doctor returned a few hours later, I expressed my hesitation with her decision to check how far along I was, and told her I wanted to avoid pitocin if at all possible. She got really defensive at this point and started telling me about how infection was more dangerous for you than pitocin, and if I wanted what was best for you, I needed to go along with what she was telling me. I don't like pushy people, they scare me, and when its a doctor, that's even worse. She made me feel very intimidated, but I was proud of myself, I managed to stand up for you, and got her to agree to three more hours before she checked me.
We continued to try to get you to come out, but boy were you being stubborn. By 4 pm, things hadn't changed much at all. The doctor came back and checked me this time. When she saw how little things were progressing, she started to push pitocin again. This time, you dad and I had talked, along with Sarah and Megan, and felt like we had a timeline we were comfortable with. I reminded the doctor that what she had told us was that infection doesn't start becoming an issue until at least 24 hours. So we suggested a timeline that would likely have you born by then. She agreed to wait to break the rest of my water until until 3 hours, and to let me be adjusted by a chiropractor, and use a breast pump to stimulate things and see if that worked. She told me "don't let your desire to have this experience mean that your baby gets sick. She had no idea! Tavish, I made the decisions that I made the entire time with you in mind. I know she will never understand that, but trust me when I tell you my sweet boy, I only ever wanted what was best for you.
By 8 pm, I was pretty uncomfortable, but she still needed to break my water. I let her do it, and thankfully that was enough to get you moving. At this point, she made a snarky comment about adding pain medicine to my chart so we wouldn't have to go and find her when I decided I needed it. (I told her I didn't want an epidural because of the side effects to you, which she of course completely blew off. I guess I am glad that she added that in there because I did end up needing the nitrous, but I don't think that was what she had in mind when she said it.)
Shortly thereafter, I was in active labor, and close to transition. It took another 4 hours, and me having access to nitrous for pain, but we did it. You made your way in to the world. It wasn't easy, but I was so happy so see you, and hold you.
We thought we were going to lose you at first. The doctors couldn't get your heart rate to hold steady. But my sweet angel, when they handed you to me, you showed all of them just show strong you were. You matched your breathing with mine, and your heart rate came back up. I got to hold you, and kiss your beautiful face. Your dad and I snuggled with you, and then we decided to have you go to the NICU so they could take care of you. I kissed you one more time, and gave you to the doctors. You were a rockstar that day Tavish. You showed everyone, and I couldn't be more proud of you.
Love,
Mom
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