April

Sweet child of mine,
I found out today that I am pregnant. It's a complete shock. There was no planning, no preparation. It just happened, and I'm scared. I know I have 9 months to get ready for your appearance, little one, but I wanted to be ready before you were there. Now I feel like my time is limited. I wanted to go, do see, before settling down as a mom. I don't blame you, it's not your fault, but I do wonder how my life will be different now, as your mom, instead of just being Marc's wife. I know I will love you, but for now, you just seem surreal to me. I do look forward to getting to know you better, and I already know how I want your birth to go.

I'm gonna find a birth center. I've heard good things about them, and I don't want to birth at home (we have two big dogs, full of energy, not exactly the best environment for birthing a baby, but you'll love getting to play with them when you get older, I promise). I know most people birth at a hospital, but I want to have more freedom than what most hospitals offer.

I told my mom and dad today too. I thought maybe if I told people that it would feel more real. It really doesn't, but at least I know why I haven't been feeling too great. I'm really hoping this part of things doesn't last too long. It sucks. I know you are going to change my life for the better. The thought of being a parent scares me, and I'm afraid I won't do a good job, but I know I don't have a choice. I'll do my best to be the best parent I can be for you, no matter what happens.

Love,
Mom