June

Hey there little one,
we've now had two official appointments with our midwives. At our first appointment we had an ultrasound done. I can't believe how small you are! You're so cute! Your dad held my hand while we watched you move on the screen. You're super active, you looked just a little gummy bear, dancing around. It made me think of the song "I'm a gummy bear." I'll have to play it for you sometime. It's a fun song :)

They said you look like you're growing well, and that we don't have any concerns so far. I've heard your heartbeat, too. It never ceases to amaze me what we can do these days. Your heart is so small, but they can still hear it, beating strong inside of me. I'm so glad you're doing well, because we just found out my dad, your grandpa, is not doing too well. He probably only has a few weeks left to live. I'm going to California as soon as summer school is over. I guess that'll be your first official plane ride. I wonder what you'll think of the feeling of taking off and landing. It's no big deal really.

You had your first Rangers' game a few weeks ago too. They played the Angels. Funny thing is, your Dad loves the Angels, and I love the Rangers. We keep arguing about which team you'll like better. Your Dad has a few friends that have promised to get you an Angels' onesie (baby clothes) so I guess we'll just have to get you one for the Rangers too. I'm sure whichever team you pick will be fine (because I know you'll pick the Rangers :P)

I had the chance to pay to have a blood test done that would tell me what your gender is sooner rather than later. I would like to know, but I can wait (the test was kind of expensive). I'll know in another month or so regardless. I guess that'll have to be soon enough. Your Dad and I do have a name picked if you're a boy. We like the sound of Kaiden Christopher, so I think we might go with that, but of course we'll change it if you're a little girl :). Looking forward to finding out.

Love,
Mom

May

Well little one, it's been a month. You sure aren't making things easy on me. I feel like crap most of the time. I've been told some people have it worse than me, and that it should end in a month or two. Fun. I've had a chance to research the local birth centers and found one I'm really comfortable with. It has a really fancy bedroom designed to look country, with western art on the walls, and a rustic queen size bed. I like it a lot. It's got a birth tub too, which makes me really happy. Your dad and I went on a tour of it, and decided that's where we want to have you.

Everyone we've told so far is really excited for us. I still feel like it's not real, like you're not really here, but I know you will be soon enough. My intellectual side has kicked in, and I've started researching everything I need to know in order to be ready for you. It's kind of overwhelming, but it does give me something to do in my down time at work :). I think your dad is a little overwhelmed too, though he keeps saying "we have plenty of time!" I keep going back and forth between being scared about what life is going to be like once you're here, and excited to have a new adventure. It's weird. You weren't expected, but we are excited to be able to plan for your arrival. I'm anxious to find out if you're a boy or a girl. I'll love you either way, but there are an awful lot of boys in my family already. *hint hint* :P. Just kidding, I kind of have a feeling you might be a boy, but I guess we'll find out in a few months. :)

Your dad took me out to lunch, and to the mall for my first mother's day. The restaurant gave me a pink carnation, and dad bought me chocolate covered strawberries. We went to see a movie too. It was a really relaxing day. One that both of us needed, I think. I'm sure we'll need more like it in the months to come, but it was really fun to have people recognize me as a mom, with a baby to celebrate. You wanna know why? Because as surreal as you still seem, and as crazy as this journey is going to be, you are already a perfect child. I know I will love you more once you are here, but I do love already. I don't love how being pregnant feels, but I love knowing that you are growing inside of me, and that we'll get to meet you in just a few months. Keep growing little one, and we'll meet before you know it.

Love,
Mom

April

Sweet child of mine,
I found out today that I am pregnant. It's a complete shock. There was no planning, no preparation. It just happened, and I'm scared. I know I have 9 months to get ready for your appearance, little one, but I wanted to be ready before you were there. Now I feel like my time is limited. I wanted to go, do see, before settling down as a mom. I don't blame you, it's not your fault, but I do wonder how my life will be different now, as your mom, instead of just being Marc's wife. I know I will love you, but for now, you just seem surreal to me. I do look forward to getting to know you better, and I already know how I want your birth to go.

I'm gonna find a birth center. I've heard good things about them, and I don't want to birth at home (we have two big dogs, full of energy, not exactly the best environment for birthing a baby, but you'll love getting to play with them when you get older, I promise). I know most people birth at a hospital, but I want to have more freedom than what most hospitals offer.

I told my mom and dad today too. I thought maybe if I told people that it would feel more real. It really doesn't, but at least I know why I haven't been feeling too great. I'm really hoping this part of things doesn't last too long. It sucks. I know you are going to change my life for the better. The thought of being a parent scares me, and I'm afraid I won't do a good job, but I know I don't have a choice. I'll do my best to be the best parent I can be for you, no matter what happens.

Love,
Mom