My darling little boy,
today (Aug 10) is the day! You are no longer a nameless little boy. Today your dad and I decided on your name. You are my wonderful Tavish. We don't have a middle name for you yet, but we'll get there. At least the first name is a start :).
Remember how I told you that your dad and I wanted to name you after your grandpa? Well, we did just that. His name was Thomas, which is greek for "twin." Your name is Tavish, which is Irish for "twin." It's the same name, just in a different language. Your grandpa was a fighter precious Tavish, and I know you will have his same strength, and joy for life. I look forward more and more to the day I get to meet you. I can already tell that you are active. You move around so much! The doctors always say how hard it is to get an accurate look at you on the ultrasound because of how active you are! And you are constantly chewing on your fingers. I guess they must taste good :).
In a few days we're going to have a party in your honor, to celebrate finding out your gender, and picking a name for you. I can't wait to tell all my friends what your name is. I am so blessed to be your mother, nothing could beat feeling you as your grow and move inside of me. In just a few months, I'll get to hold you in my arms, just like I get to hold you inside of me right now.
It's going to be a rocky few months as your dad and I figure out what doctors to go to, and how to best take care of you, but we've already gotten in contact with other parents who have kids with a similar condition as yours (most of them have kids with Trisomy 18). It's been very helpful to have them to ask questions of, and has given us hope that you will have a chance when you are born. We love you so much Tavish, and can't wait to see your beautiful, precious face.
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
It never rains but pours
Oh my sweet little boy,
today (Aug 9) your dad and I got some of the worst news. We had that second ultrasound done, and it was about as bad as it could be. The Doctor told us you likely had something called Trisomy 13. She didn't seem to think there was much hope for you, but couldn't know for sure until more tests were done. We had the choice of doing an amniocentesis, but there were too many risks with that. We had a blood test done instead. There's a good chance that whatever it comes back with, will tell us what you have.
The doctor asked us if we wanted to end my pregnancy. We told her no. God gave you to us, and it's our job to take care of you until God decides to take you home. We don't know how long that will be, but it's not our decision. You are perfect, and wonderful, and loved, and we won't cut that short simply because we're scared.
As long as you're inside of me, I know you are safe and warm. So you just stay put as long as you can, and your dad and I will our best to make sure you have everything you need to do as well as you can.
The doctor said that most of the time babies like you don't live very long after they are born, but she also said that the problems we saw are not life threatening. That's a good thing. It means you might have a chance. I know this means that my hopes for "the perfect birth at the perfect location" are out the window, but you know what? I don't really care. I just want to do what I can for you to give you the best possible chance. Some of the reading I've done says that when the parents fight for their kids, they have a better chance of surviving for longer. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to make sure that you have the best care possible, for the best possible life. We both love you so much, sweet boy. Anything can happen, but we want you to know that we're going to follow your lead and do our best to provide for you.
Love,
Mom
today (Aug 9) your dad and I got some of the worst news. We had that second ultrasound done, and it was about as bad as it could be. The Doctor told us you likely had something called Trisomy 13. She didn't seem to think there was much hope for you, but couldn't know for sure until more tests were done. We had the choice of doing an amniocentesis, but there were too many risks with that. We had a blood test done instead. There's a good chance that whatever it comes back with, will tell us what you have.
The doctor asked us if we wanted to end my pregnancy. We told her no. God gave you to us, and it's our job to take care of you until God decides to take you home. We don't know how long that will be, but it's not our decision. You are perfect, and wonderful, and loved, and we won't cut that short simply because we're scared.
As long as you're inside of me, I know you are safe and warm. So you just stay put as long as you can, and your dad and I will our best to make sure you have everything you need to do as well as you can.
The doctor said that most of the time babies like you don't live very long after they are born, but she also said that the problems we saw are not life threatening. That's a good thing. It means you might have a chance. I know this means that my hopes for "the perfect birth at the perfect location" are out the window, but you know what? I don't really care. I just want to do what I can for you to give you the best possible chance. Some of the reading I've done says that when the parents fight for their kids, they have a better chance of surviving for longer. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to make sure that you have the best care possible, for the best possible life. We both love you so much, sweet boy. Anything can happen, but we want you to know that we're going to follow your lead and do our best to provide for you.
Love,
Mom
And then it began
Hi little one,
I'm still gonna call you that for a little while longer. Your dad and I haven't officially decided on a name, although we do know your gender now. You're a beautiful baby boy! We found out today (Aug 1). We also got some slightly discouraging news. We found out you have dilated kidneys, and possibly a cleft lip. The midwives told us not not to worry about it too much. Usually the kidneys resolves themselves, and the cleft lip wasn't a guarantee. Apparently you like to bite your fingers. Silly boy.
We were told to have a more detailed ultrasound done, so that they can make sure nothing else is wrong with you, but they didn't seem too worried, so I'm trying not to be. So much else happened this summer that I'm not sure I can handle anything else going wrong. So I'm not worrying about it. Worrying won't change anything anyway. :).
Instead, I'm gonna dream about names for you. Your dad and I know we want it to be celtic, but haven't decided on one we both like just yet. We are gonna have a gender reveal party in a couple of weeks though. I promise we'll have at least a first name for you by then :). I love you so much already baby boy. I can't wait to meet you and introduce you to everyone.
Love,
Mom
I'm still gonna call you that for a little while longer. Your dad and I haven't officially decided on a name, although we do know your gender now. You're a beautiful baby boy! We found out today (Aug 1). We also got some slightly discouraging news. We found out you have dilated kidneys, and possibly a cleft lip. The midwives told us not not to worry about it too much. Usually the kidneys resolves themselves, and the cleft lip wasn't a guarantee. Apparently you like to bite your fingers. Silly boy.
We were told to have a more detailed ultrasound done, so that they can make sure nothing else is wrong with you, but they didn't seem too worried, so I'm trying not to be. So much else happened this summer that I'm not sure I can handle anything else going wrong. So I'm not worrying about it. Worrying won't change anything anyway. :).
Instead, I'm gonna dream about names for you. Your dad and I know we want it to be celtic, but haven't decided on one we both like just yet. We are gonna have a gender reveal party in a couple of weeks though. I promise we'll have at least a first name for you by then :). I love you so much already baby boy. I can't wait to meet you and introduce you to everyone.
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
July
Hi there little one,
this has been a really hard month for your mama. Your grandpa passed away just after the 4th of July. I wish you could have met him. He was an awesome guy. And he would have loved meeting you. He loved adventure, and playing with his grandkids. Your cousin Andrew was a little difficult sometimes, so your grandpa would play with him, and make him laugh.
When we found out how sick he was, we decided we wanted you to be a namesake for him. We thought we had a name all picked out if you were a boy, turns out, that's not the name we're gonna use. Instead, your initials are either gonna be THM, or TOM. You already have a cousin named Thomas, so we didn't want to name you that. We figured using initials would be better :). We can't wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl. I can't feel you moving yet, but I know I will soon.
Right now I'm spending time with your aunt Lindsey (not really your aunt, but she is a very good friend of mine). We went river floating a few times, and had a very relaxing week after all of the upset from losing your grandpa. I'm looking forward to your daddy getting here. He had to leave right after the memorial service to go back to work in Texas, but he'll be here for a week pretty soon. We're gonna visit your great grandma and go to the beach, and the aquarium. Then, right before we leave for home (a two day drive back to Texas) your grandma is gonna have a baby shower for us. Since we don't know yet if you'll be a boy or a girl, we're having a gender neutral party. Lots of Beatrix Potter characters. I'm excited for what life is going to bring for us having you here.
It's been a busy summer little one, but it is coming to a close. Hopefully we'll get a chance to breathe a little bit before school starts. It hasn't been much of a break with everything going on. Just a few more days though, until we get to go back to a more normal life. And shortly thereafter, we'll find out your gender! :)
Love,
Mom
this has been a really hard month for your mama. Your grandpa passed away just after the 4th of July. I wish you could have met him. He was an awesome guy. And he would have loved meeting you. He loved adventure, and playing with his grandkids. Your cousin Andrew was a little difficult sometimes, so your grandpa would play with him, and make him laugh.
When we found out how sick he was, we decided we wanted you to be a namesake for him. We thought we had a name all picked out if you were a boy, turns out, that's not the name we're gonna use. Instead, your initials are either gonna be THM, or TOM. You already have a cousin named Thomas, so we didn't want to name you that. We figured using initials would be better :). We can't wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl. I can't feel you moving yet, but I know I will soon.
Right now I'm spending time with your aunt Lindsey (not really your aunt, but she is a very good friend of mine). We went river floating a few times, and had a very relaxing week after all of the upset from losing your grandpa. I'm looking forward to your daddy getting here. He had to leave right after the memorial service to go back to work in Texas, but he'll be here for a week pretty soon. We're gonna visit your great grandma and go to the beach, and the aquarium. Then, right before we leave for home (a two day drive back to Texas) your grandma is gonna have a baby shower for us. Since we don't know yet if you'll be a boy or a girl, we're having a gender neutral party. Lots of Beatrix Potter characters. I'm excited for what life is going to bring for us having you here.
It's been a busy summer little one, but it is coming to a close. Hopefully we'll get a chance to breathe a little bit before school starts. It hasn't been much of a break with everything going on. Just a few more days though, until we get to go back to a more normal life. And shortly thereafter, we'll find out your gender! :)
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
June
Hey there little one,
we've now had two official appointments with our midwives. At our first appointment we had an ultrasound done. I can't believe how small you are! You're so cute! Your dad held my hand while we watched you move on the screen. You're super active, you looked just a little gummy bear, dancing around. It made me think of the song "I'm a gummy bear." I'll have to play it for you sometime. It's a fun song :)
They said you look like you're growing well, and that we don't have any concerns so far. I've heard your heartbeat, too. It never ceases to amaze me what we can do these days. Your heart is so small, but they can still hear it, beating strong inside of me. I'm so glad you're doing well, because we just found out my dad, your grandpa, is not doing too well. He probably only has a few weeks left to live. I'm going to California as soon as summer school is over. I guess that'll be your first official plane ride. I wonder what you'll think of the feeling of taking off and landing. It's no big deal really.
You had your first Rangers' game a few weeks ago too. They played the Angels. Funny thing is, your Dad loves the Angels, and I love the Rangers. We keep arguing about which team you'll like better. Your Dad has a few friends that have promised to get you an Angels' onesie (baby clothes) so I guess we'll just have to get you one for the Rangers too. I'm sure whichever team you pick will be fine (because I know you'll pick the Rangers :P)
I had the chance to pay to have a blood test done that would tell me what your gender is sooner rather than later. I would like to know, but I can wait (the test was kind of expensive). I'll know in another month or so regardless. I guess that'll have to be soon enough. Your Dad and I do have a name picked if you're a boy. We like the sound of Kaiden Christopher, so I think we might go with that, but of course we'll change it if you're a little girl :). Looking forward to finding out.
Love,
Mom
we've now had two official appointments with our midwives. At our first appointment we had an ultrasound done. I can't believe how small you are! You're so cute! Your dad held my hand while we watched you move on the screen. You're super active, you looked just a little gummy bear, dancing around. It made me think of the song "I'm a gummy bear." I'll have to play it for you sometime. It's a fun song :)
They said you look like you're growing well, and that we don't have any concerns so far. I've heard your heartbeat, too. It never ceases to amaze me what we can do these days. Your heart is so small, but they can still hear it, beating strong inside of me. I'm so glad you're doing well, because we just found out my dad, your grandpa, is not doing too well. He probably only has a few weeks left to live. I'm going to California as soon as summer school is over. I guess that'll be your first official plane ride. I wonder what you'll think of the feeling of taking off and landing. It's no big deal really.
You had your first Rangers' game a few weeks ago too. They played the Angels. Funny thing is, your Dad loves the Angels, and I love the Rangers. We keep arguing about which team you'll like better. Your Dad has a few friends that have promised to get you an Angels' onesie (baby clothes) so I guess we'll just have to get you one for the Rangers too. I'm sure whichever team you pick will be fine (because I know you'll pick the Rangers :P)
I had the chance to pay to have a blood test done that would tell me what your gender is sooner rather than later. I would like to know, but I can wait (the test was kind of expensive). I'll know in another month or so regardless. I guess that'll have to be soon enough. Your Dad and I do have a name picked if you're a boy. We like the sound of Kaiden Christopher, so I think we might go with that, but of course we'll change it if you're a little girl :). Looking forward to finding out.
Love,
Mom
Monday, October 24, 2016
May
Well little one, it's been a month. You sure aren't making things easy on me. I feel like crap most of the time. I've been told some people have it worse than me, and that it should end in a month or two. Fun. I've had a chance to research the local birth centers and found one I'm really comfortable with. It has a really fancy bedroom designed to look country, with western art on the walls, and a rustic queen size bed. I like it a lot. It's got a birth tub too, which makes me really happy. Your dad and I went on a tour of it, and decided that's where we want to have you.
Everyone we've told so far is really excited for us. I still feel like it's not real, like you're not really here, but I know you will be soon enough. My intellectual side has kicked in, and I've started researching everything I need to know in order to be ready for you. It's kind of overwhelming, but it does give me something to do in my down time at work :). I think your dad is a little overwhelmed too, though he keeps saying "we have plenty of time!" I keep going back and forth between being scared about what life is going to be like once you're here, and excited to have a new adventure. It's weird. You weren't expected, but we are excited to be able to plan for your arrival. I'm anxious to find out if you're a boy or a girl. I'll love you either way, but there are an awful lot of boys in my family already. *hint hint* :P. Just kidding, I kind of have a feeling you might be a boy, but I guess we'll find out in a few months. :)
Your dad took me out to lunch, and to the mall for my first mother's day. The restaurant gave me a pink carnation, and dad bought me chocolate covered strawberries. We went to see a movie too. It was a really relaxing day. One that both of us needed, I think. I'm sure we'll need more like it in the months to come, but it was really fun to have people recognize me as a mom, with a baby to celebrate. You wanna know why? Because as surreal as you still seem, and as crazy as this journey is going to be, you are already a perfect child. I know I will love you more once you are here, but I do love already. I don't love how being pregnant feels, but I love knowing that you are growing inside of me, and that we'll get to meet you in just a few months. Keep growing little one, and we'll meet before you know it.
Love,
Mom
Everyone we've told so far is really excited for us. I still feel like it's not real, like you're not really here, but I know you will be soon enough. My intellectual side has kicked in, and I've started researching everything I need to know in order to be ready for you. It's kind of overwhelming, but it does give me something to do in my down time at work :). I think your dad is a little overwhelmed too, though he keeps saying "we have plenty of time!" I keep going back and forth between being scared about what life is going to be like once you're here, and excited to have a new adventure. It's weird. You weren't expected, but we are excited to be able to plan for your arrival. I'm anxious to find out if you're a boy or a girl. I'll love you either way, but there are an awful lot of boys in my family already. *hint hint* :P. Just kidding, I kind of have a feeling you might be a boy, but I guess we'll find out in a few months. :)
Your dad took me out to lunch, and to the mall for my first mother's day. The restaurant gave me a pink carnation, and dad bought me chocolate covered strawberries. We went to see a movie too. It was a really relaxing day. One that both of us needed, I think. I'm sure we'll need more like it in the months to come, but it was really fun to have people recognize me as a mom, with a baby to celebrate. You wanna know why? Because as surreal as you still seem, and as crazy as this journey is going to be, you are already a perfect child. I know I will love you more once you are here, but I do love already. I don't love how being pregnant feels, but I love knowing that you are growing inside of me, and that we'll get to meet you in just a few months. Keep growing little one, and we'll meet before you know it.
Love,
Mom
April
Sweet child of mine,
I found out today that I am pregnant. It's a complete shock. There was no planning, no preparation. It just happened, and I'm scared. I know I have 9 months to get ready for your appearance, little one, but I wanted to be ready before you were there. Now I feel like my time is limited. I wanted to go, do see, before settling down as a mom. I don't blame you, it's not your fault, but I do wonder how my life will be different now, as your mom, instead of just being Marc's wife. I know I will love you, but for now, you just seem surreal to me. I do look forward to getting to know you better, and I already know how I want your birth to go.
I'm gonna find a birth center. I've heard good things about them, and I don't want to birth at home (we have two big dogs, full of energy, not exactly the best environment for birthing a baby, but you'll love getting to play with them when you get older, I promise). I know most people birth at a hospital, but I want to have more freedom than what most hospitals offer.
I told my mom and dad today too. I thought maybe if I told people that it would feel more real. It really doesn't, but at least I know why I haven't been feeling too great. I'm really hoping this part of things doesn't last too long. It sucks. I know you are going to change my life for the better. The thought of being a parent scares me, and I'm afraid I won't do a good job, but I know I don't have a choice. I'll do my best to be the best parent I can be for you, no matter what happens.
Love,
Mom
I found out today that I am pregnant. It's a complete shock. There was no planning, no preparation. It just happened, and I'm scared. I know I have 9 months to get ready for your appearance, little one, but I wanted to be ready before you were there. Now I feel like my time is limited. I wanted to go, do see, before settling down as a mom. I don't blame you, it's not your fault, but I do wonder how my life will be different now, as your mom, instead of just being Marc's wife. I know I will love you, but for now, you just seem surreal to me. I do look forward to getting to know you better, and I already know how I want your birth to go.
I'm gonna find a birth center. I've heard good things about them, and I don't want to birth at home (we have two big dogs, full of energy, not exactly the best environment for birthing a baby, but you'll love getting to play with them when you get older, I promise). I know most people birth at a hospital, but I want to have more freedom than what most hospitals offer.
I told my mom and dad today too. I thought maybe if I told people that it would feel more real. It really doesn't, but at least I know why I haven't been feeling too great. I'm really hoping this part of things doesn't last too long. It sucks. I know you are going to change my life for the better. The thought of being a parent scares me, and I'm afraid I won't do a good job, but I know I don't have a choice. I'll do my best to be the best parent I can be for you, no matter what happens.
Love,
Mom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)